Saturday, May 5, 2012
Holy Mackerel!
The last month has been ROUGH! When we were told the girls (munchkins 2-4) were coming we were assured that they were super sweet and polite and that the only behaviors they had were some minimal food hoarding issues. Well, that could not have been farther from the truth. While we do see food issues, there has been no hoarding of food yet. There HAS been hoarding of just about everything else though. Possessions in general are a problem. Then there is the aggression. All 3 are physically and verbally aggressive towards each other, M1 and Lion, the Scarecrow and I, and the pets. They are manipulative, sneaky and compulsive liars. There have been multiple incidences of stealing (both from stores and people within our home). We've had excrement issues galore from 3 completely potty trained children. Then there is the stuff we expected: disobedience, pushing limits, lack of boundaries, exposure to bad language/gestures, etc. PLUS the lice that was supposedly all taken care of at the transition home was still in full swing when they arrive and continued to rise from the dead again and again as the girls had visits with their mother. If you've never tried to get a non compliant child to stand/sit still for 2-3 hours so you can pick nits from their hair every single night (and multiply that times 3 kids) and had to launder 5 sets of sheets, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, and clothing every single day then maybe that part you won't quite understand, but let me assure you it's brutal and lice may very well be a deal breaker for us if a call ever comes in for a placement with it again. All combined it's made for a serious roller coaster of a month. Still, we seem to be holding up ok aside from a few freak-outs from the Scarecrow. Whenever I wonder how much longer we can hold out if the current level of behaviors continue long term I think about the fact that WITH the glowing report of zero behaviors we were the ONLY home for hundreds of miles willing to take all 3 of them. NOW, with all the known behaviors that have been discovered, it would be practically impossible to find a home to take them.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Possessions
Munchkins 2, 3, and 4 have a problem with possessions. They obsess about them. They hoard them. They fight about them. They steal them. They've never really had anything so now that they have clothing, a house with furniture, toys, beds, etc they have gone round the been about THINGS. They have decided that absolutely everything they see or touch is THEIRS whether it is or not. M3 steals things (both from stores and from other people in the house) and then hides them in her little stashes all over her room. None of them can stand for another person to even look at something they have claimed as theirs. They've even become possessive about the chairs at the kitchen table! If M1 (who is only 2 years old today!) climbs onto the chair they sat at during the most recent meal that child will go crazy shouting, "Get off my chair! Mom, M1 wants my chair! He can't have MY CHAIR! IT'S MY CHAIR! MINE!" I've even been told I could not sit on a chair! Today the big thing was library books. They checked out books from the library on their last visit and now that they are home if either M1 or Lion so much as walks toward one of those books the girls will flip out. Even after repeated explanations about how the books belong TO THE LIBRARY and we will ALL share the books at our house they can't handle it. If it continues to be as big a problem as it was today then they won't be allowed to check out any more books from the library. I can't handle the added drama. We have more children's books than our local public library anyway so it's not like they NEED to go to the library to get books!
It was M1s birthday today and M2, 3, and 4 had a BIG problem with that. They could not stand that today was not all about them. They even tried to claim his gifts even though they are baby toys! Thank heavens we had planned (before we knew about the girls) to keep M1s birthday low key because they absolutely COULD NOT have handled a party. At least now we know better than to plan a party for any of them. That would be meltdown city.
M1s case continues to go nowhere. We are getting more and more frustrated with his visitation workers and the agency that employs them by the hour. They are consistently late, do not call to let us know when there is a canceled visit, end visits early at their own discretion, and in general do not insure M1s well being as they are supposed to be doing. Technically they are supposed to be providing parenting training during the visits instead of just watching what happens, but they do not step in when unsafe/unhealthy food is given or no food at all is given. They allow inappropriate situations to occur frequently. It irritates the heck out of me! Still no word on when court will happen next. We are now past the 15 out of 22 month mark for M1 being in out of home care for M1's birthdad so technically termination could happen for both parents simply based on that regardless of what else the state has against them.
Today I had to send M3 to her room for awhile and she was not allowed to be playing with anything so I need to remove any possible play thing from the room. I knew the girls had been hoard things in the room, but I truly had no idea how bad it was. When I started cleaning out the room I found tags from their new clothes that I had thrown in the bathroom trash stashed between the mattress and box springs, dirty tissues inside pillow cases, toys belonging to the other kiddos hidden under the bed and under pillows, clothing stashed in the window sills, random stuff in empty doors and hidden in the corners of the closet. One thing I found were some clothes the girls had brought with them when they came that I had never seen before. The clothes smelled so badly that I almost vomited. I put them in the washing machine on the sanitize cycle and the smell still did not go away. If those clothes smelled that badly I can only imagine how bad their trailer must have smelled! I'm going to try to wash them one more time and if I still can't get rid of the smell I guess I'll just have to throw them away. It was interesting that the girls were hoarding those particular clothes though. I wonder if they remind them of their house and they wanted to keep them close? I can't keep something that smells that badly in my house though. It was unbelievably foul. I can't even begin to describe the stench.
It was M1s birthday today and M2, 3, and 4 had a BIG problem with that. They could not stand that today was not all about them. They even tried to claim his gifts even though they are baby toys! Thank heavens we had planned (before we knew about the girls) to keep M1s birthday low key because they absolutely COULD NOT have handled a party. At least now we know better than to plan a party for any of them. That would be meltdown city.
M1s case continues to go nowhere. We are getting more and more frustrated with his visitation workers and the agency that employs them by the hour. They are consistently late, do not call to let us know when there is a canceled visit, end visits early at their own discretion, and in general do not insure M1s well being as they are supposed to be doing. Technically they are supposed to be providing parenting training during the visits instead of just watching what happens, but they do not step in when unsafe/unhealthy food is given or no food at all is given. They allow inappropriate situations to occur frequently. It irritates the heck out of me! Still no word on when court will happen next. We are now past the 15 out of 22 month mark for M1 being in out of home care for M1's birthdad so technically termination could happen for both parents simply based on that regardless of what else the state has against them.
Today I had to send M3 to her room for awhile and she was not allowed to be playing with anything so I need to remove any possible play thing from the room. I knew the girls had been hoard things in the room, but I truly had no idea how bad it was. When I started cleaning out the room I found tags from their new clothes that I had thrown in the bathroom trash stashed between the mattress and box springs, dirty tissues inside pillow cases, toys belonging to the other kiddos hidden under the bed and under pillows, clothing stashed in the window sills, random stuff in empty doors and hidden in the corners of the closet. One thing I found were some clothes the girls had brought with them when they came that I had never seen before. The clothes smelled so badly that I almost vomited. I put them in the washing machine on the sanitize cycle and the smell still did not go away. If those clothes smelled that badly I can only imagine how bad their trailer must have smelled! I'm going to try to wash them one more time and if I still can't get rid of the smell I guess I'll just have to throw them away. It was interesting that the girls were hoarding those particular clothes though. I wonder if they remind them of their house and they wanted to keep them close? I can't keep something that smells that badly in my house though. It was unbelievably foul. I can't even begin to describe the stench.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
New Munchkins!
We are deep into the throes of settling in our newest placements, Munchkin 2, Munchkin 3, and Munchkin 4. These sisters are super sweet, but boy oh boy do they have some serious issues stemming from their recent past. Munchkin 2 is 3, almost 4 years old. She has a shaved head because her mother decided to shave it to deal with the chronic lice that all three girls (as well as herself) have. M2 is pretty much scarred from having her head shaved and is terrified that everyone will think she is a boy. She is clingy, without any sense of personal boundaries (even for a 3 yr old), demanding, and extremely whiny. Still, one look at those beautiful brown eyes and your heart just melts. Munchkin 3 is 6 years old and in kindergarten. Of all three of the sisters, she is the most screwed up by all they've been through. Even though she's 6, she throws daily toddler temper tantrums (complete with throwing herself on the floor and kicking and screaming) anytime she doesn't get her way. She's got quite an attitude and is seriously behind in school. She's beautiful though and I think she's used to batting her pretty lashes and having people cave to her will. Munchkin 4 is the oldest at 7 years old (almost 8) and is in first grade. Though she is almost 2 years older than M3 they are the same height and M4 weighs significantly less. She's not even on the growth chart! She likes to speak with a baby voice to get attention and is the physical aggressor of the bunch. We've had lots of problems with pinching and hitting the other kids in the house covertly and then lying about it. I wonder if since she's so small she thinks she needs to make up for it by pushing others around?
Their situation that they came from just makes me sick to think about it. They lived in a trailer with no running water that was extremely unsanitary. The policeman who removed them had to leave the house multiple times while he was there to keep from vomiting from the smell. The girls had chronic lice that their mother refused to treat and went to school unbathed and in dirty clothes. All 3 were beat with a belt and made to drink hot sauce when they were in trouble. They were also food restricted and punished for taking food when it was withheld from them. With all of that, it's no wonder the girls have the issues they do and quite frankly it's amazing they came through as well as they have! If lying, stealing, mild physical and verbal aggression, tantrums, food hoarding/binging, and no limits and boundaries are all we have to contend with then I'd say the girls came out very lucky indeed.
Going from 2 kids to 5 has been a HUGE switch. Munchkins 2, 3, and 4 aren't easy kids to add to that mix either. Simply the logistics of getting 7 people out the door every morning has been a staggering adjustment for me! Then there's feeding seven people when truly I hadn't even adjusted to feeding 4 yet from when M1 joined our family. Everything we do is a production from getting into the car to brushing teeth. AND it's definitely going to take me awhile to get used to the stares when I go out with all 5 kiddos in tow. We definitely cause a scene since none of them really obey! We've even already been asked if we were a daycare when we were out at Pizza Hut once!
Their situation that they came from just makes me sick to think about it. They lived in a trailer with no running water that was extremely unsanitary. The policeman who removed them had to leave the house multiple times while he was there to keep from vomiting from the smell. The girls had chronic lice that their mother refused to treat and went to school unbathed and in dirty clothes. All 3 were beat with a belt and made to drink hot sauce when they were in trouble. They were also food restricted and punished for taking food when it was withheld from them. With all of that, it's no wonder the girls have the issues they do and quite frankly it's amazing they came through as well as they have! If lying, stealing, mild physical and verbal aggression, tantrums, food hoarding/binging, and no limits and boundaries are all we have to contend with then I'd say the girls came out very lucky indeed.
Going from 2 kids to 5 has been a HUGE switch. Munchkins 2, 3, and 4 aren't easy kids to add to that mix either. Simply the logistics of getting 7 people out the door every morning has been a staggering adjustment for me! Then there's feeding seven people when truly I hadn't even adjusted to feeding 4 yet from when M1 joined our family. Everything we do is a production from getting into the car to brushing teeth. AND it's definitely going to take me awhile to get used to the stares when I go out with all 5 kiddos in tow. We definitely cause a scene since none of them really obey! We've even already been asked if we were a daycare when we were out at Pizza Hut once!
Friday, March 23, 2012
New Placements
Yesterday was a BUSY day. The Scarecrow left for a trip out of the country for work and pretty much as soon as he left the calls for placements started coming in. The first call was for two little boys-a 1 year old and a 3 year old with severe cerebral palsy. Either one of the boys by themselves would have been fine, but both of them, combined with Munchkin 1 would have made it impossible for me to go ANYWHERE. I would have 3 kids needing strollers/carts/being carried and no way for me to manage that by myself with my current equipment. So, with great regret I had to call the placement worker and turn down the placement. During that very same call I found out that she had another situation for me to consider. This time it was for 4 children, 3 girls and 1 boy. Unfortunately I couldn't possibly take all 4 because my van isn't big enough to haul any more than 5 total kids and I already have 2. So, I offered to take all 3 girls if they could find another placement for the infant boy. It was pretty easy for her to find a home for the baby so sometime next week I will go from a mama of 2 to a mama of 5. I will now have a 7, 6, 5, 3, and 2 year old living under our roof! I must be crazy!
In other news, we had to make a 3rd hotline call for M1 after a visit. This one we had to take him to the doctor's office to make the report. I ended up held hostage in the exam room with a cranky, sleep deprived M1 for 3 1/2 hours. It was a horrendous experience. I had to talk to multiple law enforcement officers and an investigator. The doctor took photos, the investigator took photos, they drew blood, they took statements. It was an ORDEAL.
On a happy note, M1 said, "I love you," twice last week completely unprompted! He probably doesn't know what it means, but it still made me feel good anyway :) M1 has also learned to recognize the letters H, M, D, and sometimes S. He won't say the letter name, but he'll excitedly point to them and say a word that starts with that letter.
Still no news on when M1s next court date is or if termination of rights for his birthmother will begin soon or not. The courts around here seem to move at a snail's pace so as long as they don't think about moving M1 anywhere until he's going to stay then I guess I don't care how long it takes.
In other news, we had to make a 3rd hotline call for M1 after a visit. This one we had to take him to the doctor's office to make the report. I ended up held hostage in the exam room with a cranky, sleep deprived M1 for 3 1/2 hours. It was a horrendous experience. I had to talk to multiple law enforcement officers and an investigator. The doctor took photos, the investigator took photos, they drew blood, they took statements. It was an ORDEAL.
On a happy note, M1 said, "I love you," twice last week completely unprompted! He probably doesn't know what it means, but it still made me feel good anyway :) M1 has also learned to recognize the letters H, M, D, and sometimes S. He won't say the letter name, but he'll excitedly point to them and say a word that starts with that letter.
Still no news on when M1s next court date is or if termination of rights for his birthmother will begin soon or not. The courts around here seem to move at a snail's pace so as long as they don't think about moving M1 anywhere until he's going to stay then I guess I don't care how long it takes.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Pre-Permanency Conference
So we had M1s pre-permanency conference and it was definitely interesting. One of the most important lawyers, the one who insisted the meeting be held in the first place, didn't bother to show up and both of the birthparents' lawyers did not prep the birthparents for what they would most likely hear at the meeting at all! So, poor birthmom heard for the very first time in front of a room full of people that the state will be petitioning to terminate her rights, probably later this month. She was in complete shock. Now, she SHOULD have known this was coming on her own, but either she's in denial or even more likely has no clue and it was her lawyer's job to prepare her and she didn't. That makes me angry. Birthmom shouldn't have had to find out that way. Birthdad heard that he has 2 months to get his act together otherwise the state will also be petitioning to terminate his rights as well. Both birthgrandparents were told they were not suitable candidates for guardianship or adoption. They DID NOT like hearing that. The difference between termination and relinquishment was discussed. Well, discussed is a loose term. They told the birthparents about both options, but the birthparents did not participate in the conversation or ask any questions. The entire purpose of this meeting was SUPPOSED to be to discuss whether the birthparents were going to relinquish or force the state to file for termination. It was supposed to be for discussing their options, but since 3 separate lawyers dropped the ball that didn't happen at all. I'm not sure when the next court date or even team meeting will be. It should definitely be interesting whenever either one of them happens.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Joys of Toddlerhood
The past few weeks have seen us quite busy. Toddlers are by definition busy, but when you add in birthfamily visits, case worker home visits, abuse investigator visits, team meetings, and ANOTHER hotline call and you have a recipe for exhaustion. Don't forget an active ADHD 5 year old and regular old family life! I'll start with the good. M1's language has been blossoming the last few weeks. Today he even spouted off a completely intelligible 4 word sentence completely unprompted! I was so proud of him. He's really starting to enjoy listening to books and will even sometimes bring one to me to read AND sit in my lap voluntarily! That's a BIG deal for him. He doesn't like to sit in laps. I think that physical contact is uncomfortable for him. Scarecrow said jokingly the other day that our true goal in fostering is to instill in every child that passes through our home a love of books! We might have succeeded with M1. M1 seems to be really bonding with Lion. I'm not positive he's begun bonding with Scarecrow and I at all. I think we are just nice people who feed and care for him as far as he's concerned, but Lion, she's different. He calls for her all day long and wants to know where she is every moment of the day. He's concerned when she cries. He loves to waller her and hug on her.
There have been some definite cute toddler funnies recently. Today after church we went out to eat and I put a napkin under M1's bowl to keep spills from ending up on the table. He moved the bowl to the middle of the napkin and placed his sippy cup at the upper right hand corner just like a place mat would be set. Then, each time a piece of food would fall on the napkin he would remove the bowl and cup, crumple up the napkin and ask for a new one. Then he'd replace everything just the way it was and begin eating again. This exact same, methodical process repeated itself probably 4 or 5 times during the meal! It was all Scarecrow and I could do to keep from rolling on the floor laughing. Do we see some control issues cropping up here? Another funny story has to do with M1 and the cat. For some reason our cats like to steal toys. They have their own cat toys, but they prefer children's toys, especially illegally obtained children's toys! The thing is, they don't just bat the toys around with their paws. Our cats seem to have super hero powers in their jaws and they will pick up incredibly big or heavy toys in their mouths and carry them off. The list of impossibly large and hard to carry toys that they have absconded with is too big to even write. It makes M1 seriously angry, I mean REALLY TICKED OFF when the cats run off with his toys. It doesn't matter if he was currently playing with that toy or not. He doesn't appreciate them taking his toys and he does something about it. My days are a chorus of "DAT!" followed by a shrieked war cry and the pitter patter of toddler feet as he chases down the offending feline and attempts to obtain the stolen toy before the cat hides it under a piece of furniture. It's pretty hilarious to watch. Well, last week M1's caseworker and a new employee in training stopped by for a home visit and they got to witness one of these little exchanges between the cats and M1. To me they are commonplace and I barely even raise an eyebrow anymore. The women, however, were astounded. They couldn't believe what they were seeing. Just while they were there one of the cats took off with a very large lacing bead, a plastic shape sorter block, a dollhouse doll, the blood pressure cup from the toy doctor kit, and a racquetball sized ball. Each time M1 took off after her and either returned with the missing item or called me in to retrieve it from under a chair where the cat had hidden it from him. The ladies were beside themselves in hysterics. I'm convinced that even though the cats did this before M1 came to live with us, that this particular cat enjoys toying with him and does it on purpose when he is looking just to annoy him! It's her passive aggressive way of getting back at him for all his tail pulling, eye poking, and face squeezing!
Of course there has been rough stuff since my last post as well. The hotline call generated an investigation. I had to talk with law enforcement, meet the bio dad and his family for the first time face to face only days after it happened, and speak with numerous investigators from DHHS. Then, just when I thought it was all behind us, another mark showed up after a visit that was eerily similar to the first ones and I had to call the hotline again! I was so dreading that. I had to go through the entire process again and of course I'll also be seeing bio dad soon again too since M1 finally has his pre permanency hearing next week. We've been asked, and will be asked again at the meeting, if we would be willing to adopt M1 should his case go that way. Our answer is most definitely yes. He's a perfect fit for our family, but my heart grieves for him and his life, both his past and his future. We can give him a loving future, but we can never replace his past that was lost. I wish his life could have been happy and safe with his bio family. It's clear that they love him. They just don't know how to parent. Really, they don't know how to care for themselves either, but that's a whole other issue in itself. If we were to adopt him, while it would be similar to Lion's adoption in that it would still be an open adoption, his life and experiences would still be so much different. His early life has been filled with so much confusion and uncertainty, so many transitions, so many caregivers. How I wish I could have held him and snuggled him when he was a tiny baby like I did with Lion. I wish I could have taught him how good it feels to be cuddled. I wish I had seen his first step and heard his first word, taken pictures of him with his first birthday cake smeared on his face. But for him, those memories will be lost. Too many people passed through his life for them to be passed on. When Lion asks for stories about when she was a baby and the things she did, M1 won't be able to hear similar stories about his life because they've been lost in the shuffle of too many moves and no one to care enough to write them down. Hopefully this week we'll learn what forever holds for our little Munchkin 1. Wherever he goes I hope that it will be his forever home and that he can start making memories to last him a lifetime with people who love him.
There have been some definite cute toddler funnies recently. Today after church we went out to eat and I put a napkin under M1's bowl to keep spills from ending up on the table. He moved the bowl to the middle of the napkin and placed his sippy cup at the upper right hand corner just like a place mat would be set. Then, each time a piece of food would fall on the napkin he would remove the bowl and cup, crumple up the napkin and ask for a new one. Then he'd replace everything just the way it was and begin eating again. This exact same, methodical process repeated itself probably 4 or 5 times during the meal! It was all Scarecrow and I could do to keep from rolling on the floor laughing. Do we see some control issues cropping up here? Another funny story has to do with M1 and the cat. For some reason our cats like to steal toys. They have their own cat toys, but they prefer children's toys, especially illegally obtained children's toys! The thing is, they don't just bat the toys around with their paws. Our cats seem to have super hero powers in their jaws and they will pick up incredibly big or heavy toys in their mouths and carry them off. The list of impossibly large and hard to carry toys that they have absconded with is too big to even write. It makes M1 seriously angry, I mean REALLY TICKED OFF when the cats run off with his toys. It doesn't matter if he was currently playing with that toy or not. He doesn't appreciate them taking his toys and he does something about it. My days are a chorus of "DAT!" followed by a shrieked war cry and the pitter patter of toddler feet as he chases down the offending feline and attempts to obtain the stolen toy before the cat hides it under a piece of furniture. It's pretty hilarious to watch. Well, last week M1's caseworker and a new employee in training stopped by for a home visit and they got to witness one of these little exchanges between the cats and M1. To me they are commonplace and I barely even raise an eyebrow anymore. The women, however, were astounded. They couldn't believe what they were seeing. Just while they were there one of the cats took off with a very large lacing bead, a plastic shape sorter block, a dollhouse doll, the blood pressure cup from the toy doctor kit, and a racquetball sized ball. Each time M1 took off after her and either returned with the missing item or called me in to retrieve it from under a chair where the cat had hidden it from him. The ladies were beside themselves in hysterics. I'm convinced that even though the cats did this before M1 came to live with us, that this particular cat enjoys toying with him and does it on purpose when he is looking just to annoy him! It's her passive aggressive way of getting back at him for all his tail pulling, eye poking, and face squeezing!
Of course there has been rough stuff since my last post as well. The hotline call generated an investigation. I had to talk with law enforcement, meet the bio dad and his family for the first time face to face only days after it happened, and speak with numerous investigators from DHHS. Then, just when I thought it was all behind us, another mark showed up after a visit that was eerily similar to the first ones and I had to call the hotline again! I was so dreading that. I had to go through the entire process again and of course I'll also be seeing bio dad soon again too since M1 finally has his pre permanency hearing next week. We've been asked, and will be asked again at the meeting, if we would be willing to adopt M1 should his case go that way. Our answer is most definitely yes. He's a perfect fit for our family, but my heart grieves for him and his life, both his past and his future. We can give him a loving future, but we can never replace his past that was lost. I wish his life could have been happy and safe with his bio family. It's clear that they love him. They just don't know how to parent. Really, they don't know how to care for themselves either, but that's a whole other issue in itself. If we were to adopt him, while it would be similar to Lion's adoption in that it would still be an open adoption, his life and experiences would still be so much different. His early life has been filled with so much confusion and uncertainty, so many transitions, so many caregivers. How I wish I could have held him and snuggled him when he was a tiny baby like I did with Lion. I wish I could have taught him how good it feels to be cuddled. I wish I had seen his first step and heard his first word, taken pictures of him with his first birthday cake smeared on his face. But for him, those memories will be lost. Too many people passed through his life for them to be passed on. When Lion asks for stories about when she was a baby and the things she did, M1 won't be able to hear similar stories about his life because they've been lost in the shuffle of too many moves and no one to care enough to write them down. Hopefully this week we'll learn what forever holds for our little Munchkin 1. Wherever he goes I hope that it will be his forever home and that he can start making memories to last him a lifetime with people who love him.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Hotline
In the state we live in, every suspected case of child abuse must be reported through one central hotline phone number. Even if it is a person from the child protective services reporting the abuse, they have to use the same hotline phone number to report and record their complaint the same as a general citizens. Yesterday we had to make our first hotline call :( We aren't even a month into our foster care gig and we've already had to report possible abuse.
On Friday night M1 came home from his visits with his birthfamily and he reeked of smoke. We took him straight up to the tub and when we took his clothes off we found suspicious looking bruises on both of his upper arms in the same place on each arm and they looked like finger marks. They weren't there when he left on his visit, but they were painfully visible when he got back. He had visited both birthmom and birthdad on separate visits that day, both of which were supposedly supervised. I'm not sure how bruises like that could happen if supervision was occurring, but apparently they did. When the visitation worker dropped M1 back off she did not mention any incident that could have caused those bruises like a fall or other accident. I called her as soon as we got M1 in bed and she again didn't mention anything and then when I told her what I had found she stated, "Well, maybe dad played a little too rough." A little too rough? Um, I don't think so. Playing doesn't make bruises like that.
It just makes me sick that M1 could have gotten seriously hurt while on a supervised visit. Thankfully all he has is bruises, but still. Even though M1 is not my child I've felt funny from the very beginning turning him over for hours at a time to have his visits and then having him returned not knowing what went on during his day at all. This of course seals the deal. I'm never going to feel comfortable letting him go now. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice. I have to do as I'm told and if the state says he has to go on a visit then he has to go no matter what I want or think. I'm sure there will be an investigation of some kind about the bruises, but until then he may still have to go on visits. I'm so not comfortable with that and my heart breaks for M1. I want to be able to protect him, to keep him safe, but if he's not with me I can't do that.
M1 is supposed to have two more visits tomorrow. I'm dreading it, simply dreading it. There is also a team meeting later in the week and for the first time I'll meet his birthdad and the birthdad's family as well as some other key members of M1's case. I assume my hotline call is kept anonymous, but I'm sure it would not be difficult to figure out who reported the bruises. That's probably not the best first impression to make. Still, I had to do what was best for M1.
On Friday night M1 came home from his visits with his birthfamily and he reeked of smoke. We took him straight up to the tub and when we took his clothes off we found suspicious looking bruises on both of his upper arms in the same place on each arm and they looked like finger marks. They weren't there when he left on his visit, but they were painfully visible when he got back. He had visited both birthmom and birthdad on separate visits that day, both of which were supposedly supervised. I'm not sure how bruises like that could happen if supervision was occurring, but apparently they did. When the visitation worker dropped M1 back off she did not mention any incident that could have caused those bruises like a fall or other accident. I called her as soon as we got M1 in bed and she again didn't mention anything and then when I told her what I had found she stated, "Well, maybe dad played a little too rough." A little too rough? Um, I don't think so. Playing doesn't make bruises like that.
It just makes me sick that M1 could have gotten seriously hurt while on a supervised visit. Thankfully all he has is bruises, but still. Even though M1 is not my child I've felt funny from the very beginning turning him over for hours at a time to have his visits and then having him returned not knowing what went on during his day at all. This of course seals the deal. I'm never going to feel comfortable letting him go now. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice. I have to do as I'm told and if the state says he has to go on a visit then he has to go no matter what I want or think. I'm sure there will be an investigation of some kind about the bruises, but until then he may still have to go on visits. I'm so not comfortable with that and my heart breaks for M1. I want to be able to protect him, to keep him safe, but if he's not with me I can't do that.
M1 is supposed to have two more visits tomorrow. I'm dreading it, simply dreading it. There is also a team meeting later in the week and for the first time I'll meet his birthdad and the birthdad's family as well as some other key members of M1's case. I assume my hotline call is kept anonymous, but I'm sure it would not be difficult to figure out who reported the bruises. That's probably not the best first impression to make. Still, I had to do what was best for M1.
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