Blessings for Thanksgiving

We were warned by a fellow, veteran foster father that the holidays were a hotbed for new placements.  M2-4 arrived the Wednesday before Easter.  M1 arrived just after New Year's.  Thanksgiving this year was our first big holiday and sure enough it happened. 


Around 6pm on Thanksgiving Eve we received a call for a placement of two children, a 4 year old and a 4 month old.  We said yes and while we were waiting for a call back for more details and frantically making a shopping list of infant supplies we got a call back telling us that they found family members to take placement of these 2 munchkins, but the other sibling set that was removed from the same "gathering" as this set now needed a home.  We were told it was two brothers, one that was a year old (Munchkin 6) and one that was 3 years old (Munchkin 7). They informed us that the 1 yr old had sickle cell anemia that was treated by medication and the 3 year old had epilepsy that was also treated by medication and that the seizures were under control.  They sounded easy enough to handle and we said bring them on over.  They arrived at 9pm with nothing except the clothing on their backs which wasn't much.  Oh, and one bottle of unlabeled medication.  Who that medication was for and what the dosage or dosing schedule was no one knew!  Within a few minutes we learned that the epilepsy was in fact NOT under control even when on medication regularly (of course he had not been taking it regularly prior to coming to us) and M7 also had autism.  So, we were left with a 1 yr old with no medication and a 3 year old who is non verbal, seizing close to a dozen times a day, and who has extremely limited self help skills, AND also came with no medication.  To make matters more complicated, my father and sister, along with her two very large dobermans were set to arrive at 2am!  This was not the Thanksgiving we had envisioned. I spent most of Thursday dividing my time between holding M6 (he refused to be set down or held by anyone except me), calling multiple people and places to figure out the med situation for both boys,  and attempting to catch M7 as he repeatedly crashed to the floor in seizures.  Add in the Lion and M5 wanting attention and attempting to keep everyone out of the kitchen so the Scarecrow could cook and you have the recipe for the least restful Thanksgiving I've ever experienced.  It was hard.  It was stressful.  It was frustrating.  It was also a good reminder of how incredibly comfortable our life  is and how little so many people have.  M6 and M7 have had a HARD life.  They've never experienced a Thanksgiving feast before.  They've never had so many cuddles and love as they experienced yesterday.  They may not stay with us for long.  They may not be a sustainable fit for our family at the moment.  BUT we were able to feed them and cuddle them and love them and make what may very well be the worst day of their short lives just a little easier to take.  We were able to share our blessings and in return we received blessing tenfold.  Welcome M6 and M7.  Thank you for being our surprise Thanksgiving blessings. 

Why I Do It

Remember M2-4?  They arrived on our doorstep just before Easter Sunday last year.  That Sunday Scarecrow heard Matt Redman's song, 10,000 Reasons for the first time sung in Easter service.  It's a beautiful song and he went around singing/humming it for the next several weeks.  Because of his constant singing of the song (and it's recent release and frequent play on KLove) the girls immediately took to the song as well.  They christened it, "Daddy's Song" or sometimes, "Oh My Soul."  From then on they went around singing it the best they could.  Their lyrics were comical at best, but the intent was pure.  They had finally replaced the trash they had walked into my home singing (songs with lyrics that actually made ME blush-think the Discovery Channel song and worse) with something much more appropriate and for that I was thankful.  Every time it came on the radio all 5 children in my van belted it out.  It was like a chorus of angels (or at least that was what I had to imagine to keep from going crazy from the earsplitting, off key voices!)  For 5 months that song was a constant presence in my house.  It was a frequently requested bedtime song and I soon wondered if they would ever move on to something else.  I was getting a bit of tired of it despite the beautiful song it was.

 Fast forward to a few weeks before the girls left us.  I had to take them to emergency respite care with a fellow foster mother whom I had never met. ( NOTE: I was not happy about this arrangement.) This amazing woman was not only a veteran foster and adoptive mom, but she was also at that very moment hosting 2 Italian high school foreign exchange students when she agreed to watch my girls.  While there, the girls of course went around singing their song.  KLove was also playing pretty much constantly at her house so eventually 10,000 Reasons came on and the girls shouted, "That's Daddy's Song!  Turn it up!"  Granted they could have asked a bit more politely, but hey, it was a big improvement from the grunts we got when they came.  Anyway,  as the day went on the girls asked to watch TV or a movie and instead this fellow foster mom got on You Tube and looked up the video to 10,000 Reasons.  The girls were thrilled and watched it on constant replay for almost a half hour.  All this time the foreign students were just watching, listening, and taking it all in (they had just arrived in the US the day before!) and probably wondering what on earth they had gotten themselves into.  I picked the girls up at the end of the day and took them home and that was the end of the story.  Or so I thought.

 Fast forward 3 months.  The girls have moved on to another foster home.  We have another foster placement.  Today I took Lion and M5 to a local National Adoption Day celebration.  The foster mom who had helped me out happened to be there with her family (biological, adopted, foster, and foreign exchange).  We chatted briefly and she asked where my girls were.  I explained they had moved to another foster home closer to their birthmom.  Beginning to choke up, my new friend said, "I think about them every day."  She then went on to tell me that because of the insane number of times the girls watched that Matt Redman video, one of her exchange student daughters grew to like the song and bought the CD on itunes.  She listened to the whole thing and eventually began asking questions about the messages in the songs.  She then borrowed a bible from her host mother and started to read it.  Because of my girls and that one song this young woman was now very close to accepting Christ as her personal savior!  My friend said that every time she hears that song she tears up and thinks of my girls and the eternal impact they've had on her exchange student.

Who would have ever thought that 3 little girls being neglected and abused coupled with an inept and unethical DHHS caseworker could ever have been used for good, not just good, but GLORY!?!  But it happened my friends, it did.  If my girls hadn't gone through what they did they wouldn't have come to my home.  They wouldn't have heard that song and grown to love it.  If their caseworker had done her job I wouldn't have needed respite that day.  If I hadn't needed respite we would have never met my friend and her new exchange students.  If my girls hadn't played the heck out of that song who knows if that young woman would have bought that CD and grown to question the message on it.  I often wonder if what I do makes any difference.  Many of our kids will be destined to head right back into the same awful circumstances they came from.  Our care won't have really changed anything.  BUT God has a plan.  Just because I don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist and just because I don't see the fruits of my labor doesn't mean they aren't there.  I feel so fortunate to have seen my friend today and heard her story.  It was the wake up I needed to snap me out of my pity party. To stop me from wondering, "Why on earth do we do this?  Can we really make a difference?" This is why I do this.  God can use me even if I don't know what He's using me for. I just have to be willing.

Domestic Vilolence

I finally got to meet with M5s state caseworker and learned the nitty gritty about her case.  I found out why she's been in care for so long and why she was initially removed.  Domestic violence seems to be the over riding factor in her initial removal and the reason why she's still in care.  There have actually been 3 failed reunification attempts so far!  As far as I know that is practically unheard of.  As it stands now, the case goal is still reunification with birth dad.  Given his history of both domestic and child abuse, I'm not sure how he is even being considered as a candidate, but that's what the state wants at the moment.  The amount of domestic violence M5 has been exposed to in her short life just blows my mind.  Her initial removal came about because birthdad put her in the back seat of the car unrestrained at 18 months old and then proceeded to run birthmom over with the car multiple times and then get out and kick and punch her some more just to make sure she was thoroughly beat up!  Add that to the most recent abuse of his girlfriend's baby and I just can't believe he is being considered suitable for reunification.  This explains a lot about why M5 is so averse to physical touch.  Not only has she been witness to birthdad's repeated abuse of birthmom, but also the abuse of birthmom's most recent boyfriend toward birthmom.  UGH!  I am really interested to get to meet all of these players in person. 

M5 is settling in pretty well.  She has a ridiculous visit schedule though so I don't see  her a ton during the day.  That's a shame.  She could really use some positive interactions.  She and Lion have slipped into a fairly easy sibling relationship.  They bicker and fight as well as play nicely together and both seem to be happy about sharing a room together.  M5 is pretty cautious about Scarecrow.  Makes sense now that we know what she's seen other men do to her mom.  He's making it his mission to slowly, but surely work his way into her heart. 

Move In Day

M5 moved in today.  She came with a TON of clothing, but very little of it was what I would consider suitable.  Most of the pants she brought don't fit.  She came with 67 shirts! (both short and long sleeved) and I would say 3/4 or more of them are stained or worn so badly that I would be ashamed to send her out in public wearing them.  I'm hoping that the rest of them that aren't stained fit properly.  If they do then she should be ok in the shirt department, but we will definitely have to find her some new pants.  She seemed to remember all of us, including the pets, and ran straight to where the toys were located without even hesitating so it appears she remembers the house as well.  I think that will help her with her transition, but it will still be difficult for her.  Even though she's been told by both her foster mom and me that she's living with us from now on, I don't think she really understands that this isn't like last time-she's not staying for just a little while and then going back.  She's asked dozens of times today when she's going back to P's (former foster mom) house, why can't she stay with P, when is P coming to get her, etc.  I got a little bit of information on her case today from our foster care specialist, but even she is fairly new to the case and didn't have all the details I was looking for.  I'll have to set up a meeting very soon with her state caseworker to get all the specifics ironed out.  What I did find out is that M5 has been in care for 2 1/2 years!  Yes, you read that right, 2 1/2 years.  I was appalled that M1 had been in care for as long as he had when he came to us, but this is worse, far worse, and it appears that her case is essentially starting completely from square one again.  I don't know exactly why she was initially removed, only that it had something to do with drugs and alcohol being involved.  Her birthparents are separated, but both in the picture.  Apparently mom has done very little in the past 2 1/2 years to try to get M5 back.  Dad was apparently very close to getting her back several months ago and the case had progressed to unsupervised overnight visits, but then dad's girlfriend had a new baby and he beat the baby severely and ended up in jail!  He's just gotten out of jail last week so I'm not sure what's going to happen on his end.  I assume visits will start back up again with him, but they had better be supervised again!  I'm buckling in for another wild ride.  It'll be interesting to meet all the new players in the game and see how everyone is.  Wish us luck.