New Life View

It's only been 2 1/2 days and already foster care has given me a new life view. After reading M1's case file it makes me sad to think of what he's gone through as well as what his birthfamily has gone through. It's been tough for all concerned and not likely to get any easier anytime soon :( They warned us about the cycle that can sometime happen to children who grow up with a rough start and it seems that both birthparents have been part of that cycle themselves and now they've brought M1 along with them. It's hard to parent when nobody was ever a parent to you.

M1 isn't quite 2 years old yet, but he's had more caregivers over the course of his lifetime than I can possibly identify! I can't even imagine how confusing that must be for him. To survive, instead of acting out he's decided to just go with the flow. He'll gladly go to anyone and is quite obedient and easy to manage for a toddler, but affection and trust is definitely not on his agenda yet. He doesn't make eye contact unless he's about to do something naughty. He's very stiff when you carry him instead of molding himself to your body and hanging on. He doesn't come to an adult when he gets hurt. AND saddest of all, he had no idea how to cuddle. Sitting on a lap, being read a story, sang to, or rocked is almost torture to him! Besides meeting his immediate needs of food, safety, shelter, hygiene, etc, cuddling has been our top priority. I'm determined for this little guy to know that we are the people he can trust. We won't be going anywhere. We care and we'll show him how to care too. Today at church I put him in a Moby Wrap and took him into service with us. I wasn't about to drop him off in the nursery (although I'm positive he would have gladly gone and been a model child) to have one more set of people he doesn't know take care of him when he'd just been moved to an entirely new house only the day before. Usually the Moby Wraps are used for infants and younger babies, but they easily hold up to a 35lb child. I'm small, 5'2" and I had no problem toting him around for the entire service. M1 wasn't sure what to think about being in the wrap. He didn't like it, but he couldn't escape either. When he's just being held he can wriggle and wriggle until he wiggles right out of your arms. Not so with the wrap! After some protesting he seemed to settle in. I held my arms around him even though I didn't need to do it to support him and we just swayed back and forth like I used to do with Lion when she was an infant and I was trying to soothe her or put her to sleep. Eventually I felt his little body relax some and once or twice he even thought about laying his head down on my shoulder. Bedtime tonight and naptime went slightly better than the last two nights and we were actually able to keep him in the chair with us for a book and a song although he was still restless and uncomfortable. There is progress, but I'm sure it'll take him quite awhile before he truly trusts us.

Lion is adjusting well to being a big sis I think. She of course doesn't like splitting mom and dad's attention, but what kid does? She was unhappy to see M1 leave yesterday for his visit with his birthmother so soon after he had arrived in our house. That actually surprised me a bit. I figured she'd be ready for a break because although M1 is an easy toddler in my opinion, he is still high energy and definitely a toddler! Normally Lion has little patience for anyone under the age of 5 so this instant "ownership" she felt for M1 was pretty exciting. She's having to adjust to a whole new routine which has been difficult for her since she thrives on her routine, but I think she's been a trooper about it. I know we haven't seen the worst of it. We're definitely in the honeymoon stage for sure, but I do think there can eventually be peace and harmony in the house between them both.